Being a Mom/Parent and a writer:
Are you a mom or dad who has children but is also trying to
write and finding it hard to balance both? If you answered yes, you are not
alone. In fact, the thing that most writers complain about the most is not
having the time to write. That is often followed by, “I just can’t fit in my
writing because I’m a mom, (or dad) and I have to put my kids first.” I have a
few things to say about this statement. Number one, I get it! I am a mom too
and before I became a mother I had a lot of time in my day to write. I also
told myself before my son was born that I wasn’t going to be one of those moms
that puts her own needs last. I was going to make sure that, yes I am taking
care of him, but I’m also taking care of me. Well…all I can say is, easier said
then done. Somewhere after the first year when he was closer to two I realized
that I no longer met up with friends. My husband and I never went out alone. I
hadn’t written anything new in a long time, other than blog posts. I also realized
that if I did write it was scattered. It was a half hour here or there not
everyday, not even every week. I also stopped working out and stopped being
involved in some of the spiritual classes and things that I had been so
passionate about before. So, in all honesty, I lost myself.
The change in my lifestyle did not effect me negatively at
first, but over time little by little I found I was more irritable, less
motivated, less happy, I hardly ever laughed and my son started to seem more
annoying and like a burden to me than he had before. I had others in my family
that started pointing out to me that I seemed different and that maybe I should
speak to someone. Long story short I finally did. I started working through my
fears and issues and began to recognize that I needed to make that time for
myself and that doing so was not selfish, it was necessary.
Since that time I have brought those things that I was
missing so much back into my life. I write for at least 45 minutes to an hour
every day. I am creating the writing workshops and launched my Writing
Counselor group on Face Book so that I can help others that struggle with this.
I also brought spirituality back into my life. I joined a Face Book group
called Spiritual Rebels. I take online spiritual webinars and classes. I go to
a full moon women’s circle each month and I’ve started taking yoga two nights a
week again. I am also speaking at a spiritual retreat in Salem this month. I also actually went out
with a friend the other day. It was amazing! 😀 Having these things
back in my routine and taking time for myself has made a huge difference. I am
happier now, I snap at people less and less. I joke around and play with my
child again. I have goals for myself and am working toward achieving those goals.
My son is now old enough too that he understands what I am
doing when I am on the computer. He knows that I have written a book, he likes
to look at it and asks me when he can read it. I also ask him if I can read
what I’ve written aloud to him to see if it sounds good. Sometimes he runs away
while I’m reading it, but I don’t take offense. :) I also asked him once if he
was going to write a story, what would he like to write about and then together
we created a short story. I wrote it down and I have a friend that is going to
draw the pictures for me and then we are going to create children’s book from
it. I might actually publish it too. If I do it will say By: Laura E. Thompson
and William Thompson. 😃 He did help me write it after all, I have to give
him credit.(Pic of our story's main character).
I guess the point of this blog is just to say to parents
that you are not alone in feeling like your own needs come last when you have
children. But it is important to take time for yourself too. As I said in a
previous blog, if your cup of self worth is empty you cannot help to fill
anyone else’s cup, so you have to ensure that yours is full, otherwise you will
dehydrate yourself very quickly.
Below I included a few tips that I thought maybe useful to
you and I am going to suggest that you also read another blog that I read about
this same topic. It is beautifully written, by a woman named Katherine Fleet. http://booksbywomen.org/how-your-writing-can-inspire-your-kids-by-katherine-fleet/
As always dear readers remember, writing=happiness ;).
Tips:
- Get up early 5am writer or stay up late.
- Write when they’re asleep.
- Set a schedule with your partner that during this time you have to focus on your writing and lock yourself in another room.
- Get a babysitter and use that time to write.
- Bring a notebook with you everywhere and jot down a few sentences here and there when you can.
- Don’t impose deadlines on yourself.
- Include your children in your writing, share with them what you do and why.
- Ask your children if they want to write a story with you.
- Allow yourself times where you simply brainstorm instead of write.
- Spend a little more time writing during the times that you do have free, weekends etc. and then during the time when you’re most busy try to do at least a half an hour.
- Try writing different styles and types of writing, everything counts.
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